Show: Gossip Girl
Pairing: Blair/Chuck/Nate/Serena (NJBC)
Summary: It all started on a stretch of endless road.
Author's Note: It's going to be an all-nighter. I really need to write...
All You Can’t Leave Behind
Part One: Jagged Little Pill (Serena)
Summary: Serena was a dreamer. She was a summer girl. But what happened after the accident?
Disclaimer: I don’t own Gossip Girl. I believe it would be just a bit more depressing if I did.
AN: This chapter of the story is a bit close to my heart for a special reason. I don’t wish to elaborate at the moment, but I hope you all enjoy it!
When the accident happened, it was during the summer. It was the summer that was going to jump-start the rest of our lives. We were all happier than we had been in years, and as we walked hand in hand to the Hamptons house and our last moments of togetherness, it seemed as if nothing could tear us apart.
Blair and Chuck were dating, and hadn’t fought yet, but we were preparing for World War III. Nate and I were scared of the two together; they were a ticking time bomb. We believed that the two were meant for each other, but on that long, winding road to bliss, someone was going to end up hurt.
Chuck bought Nate a red Ferrari, a car he had wanted since we were little kids. He refused to take the gift at first, but Chuck, being the persuasive person that he was, talked him into it. Nate was the only one out of the four of us who had a license; he was tired of the charmed life and wanted some control.
I was just trapped in the fantastic feeling of summer; I felt like a freshman in high school again, dreaming of lazy days in the sun and summer love. I believed that our friendship could withstand anything. I believed that nothing would ever tear us apart.
I never thought that we would end up living our own lives, as if we were each stationed in the four corners of the world, making our friendship impossible. The rift that formed after the accident was a large one; we didn’t speak at all. We smiled superficially when we saw each other at dinner parties, and pretended like there was still something that could be salvaged.
If we ever became friends again, our friendship would never be the same. We all blame each other for everything that happened. I can still smell the hospital; it was the smell of fear, blame, contempt.
When the glass shattered and we became the top story on the eleven o’ clock news, I suppose we knew that our friendship as we knew it was over.
Chuck and Nate, both in the front seats, were injured pretty badly. Nate’s ribs were shattered and his had some head trauma. Chuck was in a coma for a few days; Blair stood by his bedside until he woke up. When his eyes fluttered open, she left without a word.
They were fighting when the accident happened; I don’t think any of us remember why. They had said some things that they didn’t mean. Their relationship was destroyed. Yes, they both still cared about each other, but they couldn’t pick up the pieces again; not after the tumultuous year that they had just experienced.
No one knew what to say, so went without a word to each other. Each of us went to the Hamptons house to collect our things separately, then went on our own way.
That summer, I attempted to find what I needed in those small white pills in my mother’s medicine cabinet. Even after I reached the bottom of the first orange container, there was nothing. So I went through a second. I lost count after that.
Towards the end of the summer, when daylight was getting shorter and the night crept on us all, a martini touched my lips, burning them like poison. And down went the pills.
I saw the hideous walls of hospital room once more, but no one was there to comfort me. Of course, there was my brother and my mother, along with people from high school who sent their best wishes with a Hallmark card and a teddy bear, but there was no one else in sight.
When I got home, the white pills were flushed down the toilet, and it was as if summer hadn’t come and gone.
I didn’t go to college in the fall; I stayed home. Most of my days were spent in my bedroom, flipping through old photo albums. Chuck had moved back to his suite at the Palace over the summer, and Eric joined the soccer team at school.
I was stuck. It was if there was nowhere to go. I never understood why I was so affected by the accident; I was the only one who walked away without as much of a scratch. But I can still hear the four of us screaming in that car. I can still see the white light heading toward us. I can still hear the glass shattering and I can still feel my heart dropping.
Our friendship meant everything to me. Every piece of who I am is because of those three people.
And I don’t think I can still keep breathing without them.